Motivational Factors and My Thoughts

Once again, I had to take another break from putting down my thoughts into the "interweb." Things have been ridiculous for me. Even though I rarely show my emotions or inner struggles to the people around me, it is like a war-zone on the inside. But hey, someone needs to seem strong in these troubled times right? So basically I want to share some of the good and bad of my life as of now, just so that I can hopefully get it out of the forefront of my mind and begin to worry about a few other things.

Good thing #1: Just returned from a trip from Charleston. Love the place, love the people. Got to work with the South Carolina Youth Wind Symphony, and let me just say, I am so freaking excited to be living there this coming fall. Having the opportunity to create music with such talented kids and performers is really blowing my mind.

Bad thing #1: I need a new motor and motor mounts in my car. My poor baby is not doing so well right now and the thought of having to put a new motor/get a new car really scares me. Just for the fact that I am moving in July, and I have no idea if my car can hold out that long. If I have to save up for the move and buy a new car, I'm practically screwed financially.

Good thing #2 (and the best one): Remember that person that I lost that I wrote about in a blog past? They are back! I honestly could not be any happier!!

Bad thing #2: I am in constant battle with my own psyche. People see this calm and collected person who does not seem to get phased by anything, but lately I am finding myself doubting every decision that I make; and I am not specifically referring to decisions that ultimately lead to mistakes. I find myself wondering between "either/or" "what-if" type of situations. I doubt, then fight with myself saying that I should never doubt, then I doubt even more, then I struggle with myself even more. It is a maddening paradox for myself! I can only hope that one decision I make goes so right that all of this self-doubt just melts away.

Anyways, I will say one last good thing for myself that coincides with good thing number two. I took a thirty minute shower today, and before you get your mind in the gutter I am just going stop you (trying to make a joke)! In that thirty minutes I let the running water symbolically wash away my troubles as of late and spent the time conversing with my Higher Power. As an honest testimonial, I can safely say that someone was definitely listening. Everything I asked for was answered and I have not had a bigger smile on my face in such a long time. Seeing those texts from the people I care about most tonight really put me on cloud nine.

And lastly, I need to give a shout-out to a new but amazing friend. Check out his upcoming blogging adventures!! The Lowery Chronicles

Fight for a better tomorrow