The Driving Force of Hope

There are several different forces in our world that seem to keep us moving. Whether it be the thought of dying or a goal that has been set, we all seem to have at least a few factors factors in our life that keep us pushing forward (well, I hope we all do anyways). I can safely say that there have been several things I have used in my own life to better myself, or things I have used as motivation to just roll out of bed in the morning. Yet, there is one thing that always returns to my life, and that is hope.

I know this "hope" business seems very cliche and mushy but as of late, it is the force behind all of my thoughts and prayers. I keep on finding myself saying things that start out with "I hope." Things like "I hope they can realize their importance", "I hope they are happy," or the most frequent "I hope you have an incredible day" (as a server at Olive Garden I make it a point to say it every one of my tables). 

One of the statements that I tell myself and others the most is: never lose hope. Hope brought me back my best friend. Hope gave me job opportunities. Hope gave me a reason to live. I can recall so many times in my life where I have said "I hope that...," and at some point down the road that hope was always fulfilled. And I am not trying to relate hope with wishful thinking. I believe hope is so much more than that. It is a lot more tangible than a wish. In my mind, a wish is a fleeting almost unattainable desire. Like saying "I wish I could own a Bugatti sometime in my life." Could it happen? Of course, but is it ultimately realistic? More than likely not. 

Hope is something that gives me a reason to work and drive harder in my life. When I say "I hope," it gives me something to really look forward to. I would actually like to hear from all of you that keep up with this blog. What is your driving force that keeps your life going?

So I finish with this last prayer, I really hope that I get to see you soon. 

Fight for a better tomorrow

Motivational Factors and My Thoughts

Once again, I had to take another break from putting down my thoughts into the "interweb." Things have been ridiculous for me. Even though I rarely show my emotions or inner struggles to the people around me, it is like a war-zone on the inside. But hey, someone needs to seem strong in these troubled times right? So basically I want to share some of the good and bad of my life as of now, just so that I can hopefully get it out of the forefront of my mind and begin to worry about a few other things.

Good thing #1: Just returned from a trip from Charleston. Love the place, love the people. Got to work with the South Carolina Youth Wind Symphony, and let me just say, I am so freaking excited to be living there this coming fall. Having the opportunity to create music with such talented kids and performers is really blowing my mind.

Bad thing #1: I need a new motor and motor mounts in my car. My poor baby is not doing so well right now and the thought of having to put a new motor/get a new car really scares me. Just for the fact that I am moving in July, and I have no idea if my car can hold out that long. If I have to save up for the move and buy a new car, I'm practically screwed financially.

Good thing #2 (and the best one): Remember that person that I lost that I wrote about in a blog past? They are back! I honestly could not be any happier!!

Bad thing #2: I am in constant battle with my own psyche. People see this calm and collected person who does not seem to get phased by anything, but lately I am finding myself doubting every decision that I make; and I am not specifically referring to decisions that ultimately lead to mistakes. I find myself wondering between "either/or" "what-if" type of situations. I doubt, then fight with myself saying that I should never doubt, then I doubt even more, then I struggle with myself even more. It is a maddening paradox for myself! I can only hope that one decision I make goes so right that all of this self-doubt just melts away.

Anyways, I will say one last good thing for myself that coincides with good thing number two. I took a thirty minute shower today, and before you get your mind in the gutter I am just going stop you (trying to make a joke)! In that thirty minutes I let the running water symbolically wash away my troubles as of late and spent the time conversing with my Higher Power. As an honest testimonial, I can safely say that someone was definitely listening. Everything I asked for was answered and I have not had a bigger smile on my face in such a long time. Seeing those texts from the people I care about most tonight really put me on cloud nine.

And lastly, I need to give a shout-out to a new but amazing friend. Check out his upcoming blogging adventures!! The Lowery Chronicles

Fight for a better tomorrow