Ups and Downs

It has been quite some time since I have last put my thoughts down. Bare with me, it might be a long one.

My first semester of my Masters was great but life changing. I learned so many things about the content and about myself. There are a lot of things I have to change about myself in order to get done as quickly as possible. But the true reason for this post comes with the change into the summer. I have had some serious ups, and some serious downs.

At the start of the summer I was planning on continuing my education, but fell flat on my face when I was denied financial assistance for the summer. Little did I know that graduate students are not offered federal assistance during the summer, so that put my plans back an entire year. Couldn't change that fact, hopefully I will see the reason for that sometime. I was also planning on using that financial aid refund to sustain me through the summer financially, since I don't get paid from the county during the summer. And well, I guess you can surmise where I am at right now. With sending job applications out every single day, I still come up short. Teaching private lessons only goes so far. So just like last summer, things will be difficult again, unless one of these jobs miraculously give me a call back.

But I will share at least some successes with you guys. My private lesson students have all been progressing very well. I keep pushing them and they keep pushing back. That's what I really love to see. They are adapting and learning and becoming very good. One of my Drum Major students blew me away. His improvements and drive to be better was more than I could ask for. He turned out to be freaking amazing in several aspects. Ultimately he was chosen to be one of the drum majors. A spectacular day for him and me! Another success is this next piece I am writing. The background material is "The Song of Azrael." The music for it has been absolutely amazing. I was able to write almost 7 minutes worth of music in two days. I know that I am just an instrument of creation for this music. Divine intervention plays a huge role for this piece. Oh, I forgot to mention, it is for string orchestra and SATB choir.

But like I said, things have been rough. They are close to outweighing the good right now. I try to keep an optimistic outlook on life but it is really hard when I see so many of my friends succeed, and I can't help to wonder "why am I in this situation?" This has been one long and enduring test. I don't know how much longer mine or Reese's stomachs can hold out for this test. I pray every day for help and peace of mind. I pray for a job, for security, for freedom. My faith is still alive, but I guess you have to suffer before you can get to paradise. I'm still hoping something will come through for me. After bills, there isn't anything left; it sucks. I know that I am not the only person in this situation; there are several others just like me, having the same plea. I know I took a lot of things for granted my college years. I realize I should have been different. But I am thankful for how it was, because it has turned me into what I am today.

And I guess I can share one more success. Its about connections. I have kindled up new friendships and rekindled up old ones. Found a new best friend who I know will be there till the end of days. In my book, nothing is more successful than having people by your side.